I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
