im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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