Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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