Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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