Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
