ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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