so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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