Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
