Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am mentally ready for anal.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
