Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
