I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
