Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
