Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
