You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
