My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
vagina is talking i cant
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
