I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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