Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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