Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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