I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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