I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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