and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
