and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
