Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
