What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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