I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
