So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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