Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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