Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
