if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
