It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
