All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
