I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
