Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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