I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Randomize
