How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
