I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
