Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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