I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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