saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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