So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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