forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
