last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
