I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You surviving the open bar?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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