He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history