Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.