toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude i'm inner monologue high
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE