Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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