Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?