Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.

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  (512): he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success. http://tfl.nu/9rt5
  Replies (11) Good night (6682) Bad night (622)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers

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  (912): I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers http://tfl.nu/7qil
  Replies (16) Good night (4589) Bad night (694)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

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  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7980) Bad night (1321)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..

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  (617): Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear.. http://tfl.nu/yx7i
  Replies (7) Good night (929) Bad night (1959)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.

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  (615): I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag. http://tfl.nu/vhx8
  Replies (8) Good night (4967) Bad night (1046)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.

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  (603): You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time. http://tfl.nu/k6f1
  Replies (22) Good night (4461) Bad night (888)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.

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  (402): At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar. http://tfl.nu/wx7w
  Replies (3) Good night (1352) Bad night (561)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.

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  (913): You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes. http://tfl.nu/5pct
  Replies (6) Good night (2619) Bad night (570)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He's cheating on her.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Are you sure it wasn't her?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.

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  (201): He's cheating on her. (973): Are you sure it wasn't her? (201): I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her. http://tfl.nu/sbt9
  Replies (6) Good night (1086) Bad night (649)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.

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  (618): Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me. http://tfl.nu/97jo
  Replies (5) Good night (1726) Bad night (379)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.

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  (202): You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole. http://tfl.nu/s7os
  Replies (2) Good night (827) Bad night (387)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  50% drunk capacity currently

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  (402): 50% drunk capacity currently http://tfl.nu/1j9a
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (237)
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  (818): View more from California

  Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.

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  (818): Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great. http://tfl.nu/bj70
  Replies (1) Good night (667) Bad night (221)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.

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  (619): I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays. http://tfl.nu/ooc2
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (182)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's amazing

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs

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  (717): It's amazing (610): I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs http://tfl.nu/3qhh
  Replies (4) Good night (485) Bad night (186)

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