You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...