singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
