i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
