I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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