cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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