you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
