The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
