I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
