We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
