Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
