i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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