She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
