When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
