Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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