I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
