So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
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I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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