tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
