It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
