remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
home. puking in laundry basket.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
