I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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