her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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