I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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