So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize