You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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