He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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