WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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