If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
