Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize