remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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