Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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