I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
