i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
