Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
